Maintaining your good weight loss resolutions when you go out to a restaurant or have an aperitif with friends can clearly prove difficult.

Yet you leave with the best intentions , “I’ll have a salad this time.” but as soon as the menu arrives , you decide that the hamburger and fries followed by a trio of chocolate brownies will finally do the trick.

Add a beer, and you're done!

But then why?
Why is it so difficult to make “healthy” decisions consistent with our weight loss goals, when dining out, with friends, or at other social events?

And, more importantly, is it possible to stay on track and continue losing weight without cutting yourself off from these social situations?

I suggest I provide you with some answers below:

ALL OR NOTHING, THE ENEMY OF YOUR WEIGHT LOSS

At the origin of an outing to a restaurant or an aperitif which turns into a caloric catastrophe , we often find, in my opinion, the classic error, which I would call “All or nothing”.

You know, when in your head there are only 2 possible choices !
Either you restrict yourself completely and deprive yourself of all pleasure , or you forget all your habits and knowledge about diet and you let yourself be tempted by tapas, a starter, a main course, two desserts and why not two or three bottles of wine, “arrived there”.

“All or nothing” is when you have trouble finding the right balance and sticking to it.

The first choice only brings frustration and a feeling of isolation and the second is usually accompanied by a feeling of guilt and disappointment…not great right? !

How then can we move from “all or nothing” to balance?

How can you continue to have fun and create memories while ensuring you don't stray from your weight loss goals ?

RANK EVENTS IN ORDER OF IMPORTANCE

Social outings are part of our daily lives , they play an important role for our mental health , give meaning to life and keep us close to each other...
but let's be honest, all these social events don't necessarily have the same place in our little hearts .

So ask yourself the following question: which events do I really value and want to make the most of, and which events are unimportant and can probably be compromised on ?

Which ones are at the top of your list and which ones are at the bottom of your list in terms of importance, pleasure and fulfillment?

So, while office lunches are probably nothing special in the end and are at the bottom of your list , attending your grandmother's 90th birthday barbecue is something you care about, and which is at the top of your list. top of your list.

Perhaps then these “cafèt fries” lunches with Sabine, could give way to a good homemade salad… And on the other hand you could keep the barbecue going with Grandma, and simply relax and enjoy the good time spent without stress about your weight loss.

By arranging these moments in the "important" and "less important" boxes , you can already make different choices regarding outings, refocus and concentrate on what really matters and get rid of things which, instead of 'bring, serve you.

Finding a balanced diet isn't about learning to say no, it's about learning to say yes to what's worth it.

ELIMINATE FEAR

When losing weight, social events can easily cause stress and anxiety .

FEAR OF DOING DIFFERENTLY

Sometimes making the right choice in a social environment is also made difficult by fear of how others will look .
Around you, we order pizzas, people laugh and everyone intends to eat without counting , to drink one after another as if it were milk...
However, things are different for you , you are looking to lose weight…
Yet you too will choose pizza, not because it tempts you, but because otherwise you will have the impression that you are out of place , of being “complicated” or even a killjoy if you choose the option, “I’ll bring my chicken-avocado wraps guys”.

In these situations, you don't want to embarrass yourself by ordering something different from everyone else, refusing dessert, or leaving half your share on the plate.

You're a little worried about feeling ridiculous in front of your friends and family.
You also fear comments like “Oh, is that one still on a diet?!” from Uncle René or “You can have fun, right?” by Mamie Simone.

And instead of ignoring these annoying remarks, you end up consuming things that you didn't even want in the first place. And when you come home, bam, it’s you who feels guilty !

By overcoming this fear of looking stupid or different, by putting the desire to take care of yourself and your weight loss goals, above their opinion, you will see that going to a restaurant or having dinner with friends does not is not really the problem .

I started to lose weight during the peak raclette season and I can tell you that it wasn't easy!
But taking full responsibility for my food choices allowed me to receive a lot more support than I expected and to have a much better time than if I had just “done like everyone else”.

One of my friends still regularly reminds me of the moment when I showed up with small packets of individual chips at an aperitif. Indeed, at the very beginning of my rebalancing, I had difficulty realizing the dose of aperitif cakes that I devoured during these evenings chatting for hours, and this complicated my calorie calculation afterwards and harmed my rebalancing.

So I solved the problem by having pre-defined doses . After a while, I obviously did without it, but it was initially useful for me to review my habits. Too bad if it made you laugh !

I was definitely super happy when I got home, and filled out my trackers in my food diary , that I had made the right decision.

If you want to know more about the importance of keeping a food diary, I recommend reading my previous article by clicking HERE !

THE FEAR OF MISSING OUT

I don't know what it is, but we, little humans, are often afraid of missing out , as if our life depended on it.

And this is even more true in the context of social outings and even more so when we are trying to lose weight!

Have you never said to yourself at a party “holala, the cake looks incredible, it would be really stupid to miss it, I won't have the chance to eat it again” or “After all it's a great time , if I don’t eat like everyone else, I don’t benefit 100%.” ?

Personally, it was a very strong feeling both at home and when going out .
A feeling that is hard to comprehend and manage.

You really feel like you're missing out on the best food in the world when you go out or not enjoying the entire social moment enough .

But is this really the case?

Won't you have other opportunities to eat in this restaurant or have a good barbecue with friends next time?

I bet IF.

So when your brain sends you these little distress signals, remember that just because you "missed" the opportunity this time doesn't mean you'll miss it forever.

It's important to get rid of this feeling, to learn that putting off eating this or that dish will only make it more valuable next time.
Appreciate this good time for what it is: an atmosphere, friends, relaxation, a place...and avoid boiling it down to a dish . And appreciate what you have already eaten at its true value.

SET LIMITS FOR YOURSELF AND OTHERS

To help you manage these different fears and impulses, I recommend that you take stock of your limits and compromises before your outings.

You can make the list in your head, or write down these weight loss commitments in black and white in your diary to give them even more strength.

For example, determine the number of drinks you intend to allow yourself , decide what you don't want to eat this time, consult the restaurant menu and settle on a dish that is in line with your goals.

Make sure that your choices please you and do not frustrate you , while remaining in the moderation that you wish. If you come to the party prepared, you will be more likely to keep your commitments .

The same goes for your friends and loved ones, don't hesitate to keep them informed in advance of your choices. Be honest and clear about your intentions , it's for your own good.

You need to make them understand that to have a good time, they need to take into consideration that you might not do everything like them, and that there's no point in trying to change your mind.

Explain to them why it matters to you that they understand. If they are friendly, they will respect your boundaries and appreciate that you trusted them and talked about your needs. You will feel even more in agreement with your decisions and at ease when you leave!

AVOID THE “FUCKED FOR FUCKED EFFECT” AND PRACTICE SELF-COMPASSION

We've all been there. One innocent little cookie turned into ten cookies. A few chips as an aperitif turn into an empty can of Pringles.

We all know this small gap that turns into an unlimited caloric disaster .

I call this phenomenon the “Damned for damned” effect !

You think you've already ruined everything, so you say to yourself “too bad, there's no point trying to save the situation , you might as well continue”.
While good habits can take time to fully adopt, it doesn't take much to distract us from habits that are still fragile .

And just one small failure at the restaurant quickly made us completely abandon all our good resolutions .

When we suffer from weight problems, we are easily overwhelmed by a feeling of guilt or even shame at the slightest failure and this can restart our vicious circle in no time. (Discomfort = need for comfort = emotional hunger = excess = weight gain = discomfort…etc)
And instead of learning from our mistakes , we let those feelings dictate our future actions.

We tend to think that, since we have done anything in terms of diet, doing sport is no longer of any use either, that in any case all previous efforts are wasted so we might as well give up, and we are back to square one. departure. Weight loss canceled !

When a small or bigger mistake happens at a social event or at home for that matter, it is therefore important for you to practice self-compassion.

Self-compassion is about showing gentleness and understanding towards ourselves when faced with our small failures. It’s sort of recognizing that it’s natural to make mistakes.

Self-compassion allows you to change direction and make better decisions , rather than dwelling on your mistakes and succumbing to the "damn for fucked up" effect.

When you avoid self-criticism and guilt, you avoid radical decisions that are rarely very sensible. You then eliminate harmful negative feelings without attenuating the feeling of personal responsibility that it is important to maintain.

Stop punishing yourself, believing that you have ruined everything and take a step back and start fresh as soon as possible, it's much more responsible and effective .

It's never too late to start again .

Remember that:

• You can always choose an excellent main course, even if you're a little overwhelmed with the starter.
• You can always stop after 3 drinks, it will always be better than 6, even if you initially didn't plan to drink tonight.
• You can always leave half of the dessert if you have the feeling that it was finally too much. Yes it’s “wasted” but eat for the sake of eating too, you’ll just do better next time.
• You can still have a great day and end the week on a high note even if you messed up a bit tonight at dinner with your friends.

CONTROL WHAT YOU CAN; ACCEPT WHAT YOU CANNOT

“I went out to dinner, so I couldn't control what I ate.”
“Coworkers from the office went out for drinks, so I wasn't able to meet my calorie and macro goals.”
“We had a family emergency, so I had to order takeout.”

These are common justifications we say when eating out. We consider that things are simply out of our control and that we absolutely cannot meet our weight loss goals and commitments. Unfortunately, this is often faulty reasoning .

We must learn to control what we can and accept what we cannot.

We cannot control the external events (or people) that disrupt everything, but we can control our behaviors and actions in the face of these events (for example, choosing the healthiest option available or making a compromise).

Working on this responsibility leads to greater happiness, autonomy, decision-making and progress.

Personally, for a long time I considered, for example, that I could not lose weight if my partner did not also make an effort .

And it was only when I said to myself “if I continue to wait for him, I will pass into 3 figures on the scale, I must succeed in doing things with or without him ” that I freed myself.
Freed from a lot of frustration towards him, from anger too, freed from my excuses, freed from the constraint of others and from guilt.

I felt amazing realizing that I was the only one in charge , the only one who could make the right decision, the only one who could move my pawn in the right direction .

I accepted that I couldn't control his sugar cravings or his decision to go get McDonald's. But I understood that, on the other hand, I could consciously decide not to take the slice of brownie that he offered me to share with him or to accompany him to the drive-thru, but not to take a menu this time , because I already have my meal planned at home.

Of course, making these decisions falls squarely into the “easier said than done” category, but already being aware of your responsibility is a first step in the right direction. Your discipline and your mind will strengthen and things will become easier and even obvious.

Have confidence in yourself. Just like me 5 years ago, you are the only one who can make this weight loss happen.

So remember that you can control:

• the amount of food you eat (by listening to your hunger and fullness signals)
• the choices you make on the menu
• the answers you give when someone offers you refills or encourages you not to keep your commitments
• how present you are in the moment when you eat (no TV, no phone..etc)
• the speed at which you eat
• what you drink (alcoholic drinks, sodas or cold water, etc.)
• what you focus on to have a good time.
• how you react after an excess (are you going to give up after this deviation, punish yourself by skipping meals or simply accept what happened and continue your efforts on the right track?!)

You will have understood, to enjoy social outings with your loved ones without jeopardizing your weight loss goals, you must learn to show self-compassion, patience and a little organization.

When it comes to weight loss, as in all things, moderation is the key to success and your happiness.

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